PETA Wants Egg Harbor Township, NJ, to Change its Name

Apparently, this is not a joke.

If this press release had hit my inbox around April 1st, I would have assumed it was an April Fool's Day prank.

But this is real.

PETA, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, is encouraging Egg Harbor Township to rename itself.

Now, there are references to "Egg Harbor Township" in documents going back to 1693. Not too many people have had an issue with EHT's name for the past 330 years.

Until now.

PETA, focusing on the word "egg" in "Egg Harbor Township," is suggesting the name change to "highlight the fact that vegan eggs exist."

Allow me to explain. Perhaps having an alcoholic beverage (or seven) handy as you read this will help to clarify this logic.

PETA is suggesting EHT become "Just Egg Harbor Township."

No, not just the word "egg," they want to add the word "just" to the name. They want it to be "Just Egg Harbor Township," even for just one day.

"Just Egg," if you aren't aware (I wasn't), is a plant-based egg substitute made from mung beans.

Fans of The Office might remember the scene where Ryan complains about Creed's "distinct old-man smell" and then Creed shows that he sprouts mung beans on a damp paper towel in his desk drawer. He then says, "Very nutritious, but they smell like death."

• READ MORE: Giant Building Pops Up Almost Overnight in Just Egg Harbor Twp., NJ

Anyway, PETA has penned a letter to EHT (am I supposed to call it "JEHT" now?) Mayor Laura Pfrommer, explaining their rationale as follows:

Although the township’s name derives from the shorebird and waterfowl eggs that were once found covering nearby meadows, most people today associate the word “egg” with those laid by chickens, most of whom are raised on filthy factory farms and are among the most abused animals on the planet...

But wait, there's more.

In recent months, bird flu has ravaged the country and sent egg prices soaring. The World Health Organization describes the risk of bird flu spreading to humans as an 'enormous concern.' And even without the threat of bird flu, research shows that eggs, which have high levels of cholesterol, are harmful to human health. They increase the risk of developing heart disease and diabetes, so they really aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.

Long story short, the world will be a better place if we all switched from eating eggs to eating this "Just Egg" mung bean-based product. And we'd be living in a literal utopia if Egg Harbor Township were known as "Just Egg Harbor Township."

Again, this is not a joke.

• READ MORE: The Worst Things You Do at Wawa, According to Those Working There

"PETA is asking Mayor Pfrommer to embrace this opportunity to show Egg Harbor’s residents how they can stay safe and stay kind by choosing delicious vegan eggs."

We decided not to reach out to Mayor Pfrommer for comment on PETA's suggestion. Should any of EHT's elected officials wish to share their opinions on this, by all means, we'd love to hear them.

We hope you’ll consider changing the town’s name to raise awareness of the many benefits of choosing healthy vegan eggs.

Something tells me that isn't going to be happening anytime soon.

There's no word if PETA sent a similar letter to Egg Harbor City's elected officials. We didn't bother asking them, either.

And just to be clear, we're not knocking anyone who lives a vegan lifestyle, but this is just stupid.