Opinion: Cory Booker’s Greatest Attention Whore Hits

Seldom has there been a political artist so two-faced, so flip-floppingly awful and yet so skilled at optics and grandstanding. That artist is U.S. Senator Cory Booker.

For the first time ever, all on one CD (remember when those existed?) we give you Cory Booker’s Greatest Attention Whore Hits!

Classics like that time as mayor of Newark he vowed to live off food stamps to show the plight of actual poor people who were NOT Rhodes scholars who DIDN’T have the opportunity to quit food stamps anytime they wanted to!

That time as a Newark City Councilman he went on a hunger strike and camped out in crime plagued areas to draw attention to drug dealing (a.k.a. drawing attention to himself)!

We’ll even throw in that imaginary friend of his T-Bone! (Does this dude even exist?)

Other hits that will warm your heart and show you that Cory Booker is the most moral man alive, like the time his city completely failed at clearing snow from the streets but Cory grabbed one shovel and five cameras to make the world right again! As long as a few old ladies had a sidewalk cleared by the sweat of his own brow he couldn’t possibly be called a failure citywide!

Remember that burning building he ran into to save a lady? Even though his own security detail offered a different version of events and even though the hallway he carried the woman down over his shoulder was said by some to be too narrow for that to be physically possible? Now that’s good attention whoring!

You’ll even get that time as a senator he testified against Jeff Sessions’ confirmation even though he’d co-sponsored legislation with him!

All this can be yours for the low cost of one vote! But wait! There’s more! We’ll even include Cory’s Spartacus moment during the Kavanaugh hearings! Yes, that bold moment when he risked nothing by releasing documents already scheduled for release by Republicans!

We’ll even throw in that pathetic moment when Dr. Ford needed a cup of coffee before testifying against Kavanaugh and like a Marvel superhero Cory was there! ‘Here’s your coffee Dr. Ford! See how caring and responsive I am to women?’ At least we think it was coffee. If it comes from Cory Booker and is hot and steaming we know what else it might be.

Finally, to complete this greatest hits compilation, we now have the granddaddy of them all in attention whore history! Helping Mexicans across the U.S. border who are seeking asylum! Bravo! You’ve outdone yourself Sen. Booker! No matter that it was all for show and they were sent right back to await a hearing and it changed absolutely nothing! But my god, what a photo op!

Order yours today!